Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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