so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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