I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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