weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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