You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
