dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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