OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I touched a dick in church today
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
