My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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