So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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