this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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