When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize