we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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