Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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