just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
