You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
