my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize