if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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