All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize