What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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