Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize