...so i touched it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
