Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
