is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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