a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
then he tried to convert me to islam
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
