Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We are two peas in an std pod
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
