I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
