it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
