The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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