I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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