You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
