I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
