Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
