I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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