onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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