honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
