Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
