apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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