On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize