Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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