dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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