I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
