The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
