you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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