your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
