but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
