My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My cat gives me a boner
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
