I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
