Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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