I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
