PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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