Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
