maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
