She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize