you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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