fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
