Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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