If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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