I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
