i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
