first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
