his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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