I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
