Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
