Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
