idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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