My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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