Screwed.edu
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
