I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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