dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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