I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My cat gives me a boner
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
