Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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