Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
