god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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