happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
