I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I smell like Dick and happiness
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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