So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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