so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
