he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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