Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
