I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
