I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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