How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
