i barfeds in our rink
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
