I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just puked most of my soul out..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
