you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
