Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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