yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
