Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
