If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
