How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
