yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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