Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
