I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize