You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
