Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
